one day at a time

Within those devastating 6 months of 2010, those life changing events that stopped me in my tracks and made me think I just might lose my mind I found strength. Gods strength is made perfect in the time of trouble. Me, I am not perfect but if I was not to give credit to God for his power and wonderful acts I would not be acknowledging how I got through. My husband was and is amazing and has been my best friend since we were in 8th grade 20 years of friendship.

Losing our baby was very hard for me and then almost dying in the process brought a new understanding of life and living it to the fullest 2 months after that Daddy was gone suddenly from a heart attack and I learned how to endure when it feel like you can no longer breathe, I am still working on that one and then 2 months after that my husbands sister who I have know more than half her life passed at 23 and again I had to see death has no respect for age. Now is rebuilding and moving forward to find my center again.

My center has been shifted and my perspective has changed when it comes to life and how you are suppose to make it through. I do not take breathing for granted , not one hug or I love you for granted. But now I have found a new journey to find my center in order to flourish once again and it can be frustrating at times. It is like being reborn and you have these eyes you never used before, Everything is brand new because your prospective has changed. I first found myself simply surviving each day. Functioning like robot because my children had to have an example of moving an and know I am ok. THEY come first but now that my kids are ok it is time to process and it is a lot to process but it is happening maybe slower than I want but you can't rush healing. You have to take your time and reflect, use that negative energy in a positive way and find a way to move forward and learn to breathe again. There are no shortcuts only time.

I cannot say where this journey will lead because it is a day by day affair but I will not let the deaths of others be the death of me. That would be dishonoring life and them. They would want me to move forward. I think about that if it was me my daughter would have the hardest time but I am raising her to understand death is a part of life and that I am always with her. I am her mother. My husband has been a part of me since he was born we were made for each other and my godson, stepson who I love his mother made me is Godmommy when he was born and I will always be that. I would want move forward and I know my Dad would want the same for me because he only wanted the best.Therefore I will live courageously one day at a time