Be patient with me

What do you do when you want to scream but you know the walls are thin and you worry about everyone elses ears? What about when your heart races in the middle of the night the whole house is asleep and you wake up with tears and a fear in you although you do not remeber the dream? What about those days when life has you tired for a moment you need to catch your breath but everyone else thinks your fine so you go with it?
These are real question I have had for awhile and truth is no one can answer them for me. I have to keep it real with myself and find those answers. I have to find a way because I am really angry. I do not remember feeling this before not sure why it has come now? The stages of grief has been listed as

• Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
  
• Anger (why is this happening to me?)
  
• Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
  
• Depression (I don't care anymore)
  
• Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

I cannot say in that order at least for me but the anger sometimes is a handful and I feel like no one gets it. I want the clock to turn back although I know its out of my hands. That pisses me off. I want to touch my Daddys face, hear his voice, ANYTHING but there is nothing and I am forced without choice to move on. The World is still going and everything is still day to day. It is hard to grasp the concept of a World without him and yet I either lie down and die or live...there is no plan C and that pisses me off. The fact that I feel lost sometimes pisses me off. The only way I can get through this is through honesty and courage. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, either way today. Not too good and thats ok.