Why people do not see God

People often wonder why there are people who do not believe in God. Maybe it is because they do not see the God in the people claiming Him. Maybe if the churches done more than just stayed to themselves or been involved in their communities. Maybe if the churches actually not only prayed but helped them in this life people would see spirituality and not religion only. Maybe if the sermons weren't focused on clothing but whats inside. If the focus was on God people would see God for themselves.
I know for myself there is a God but as I am getting older and going through I am failing to see the true purpose of the church when it seems to simply assimilate minds into focusing on the wrong things. Praying is great but it is not the only action. God gave us so many things and tools. God is LOVE. Love does not hurt.
Religion vs Spirituality is something people fail to distinguish. Beyond Sunday School and the big hats you have to start to actually do. Something inside is transformed. You begin to LOVE. In Gods Image we are to LOVE one another. Love is not just a word it is an action. I see people going through pain and where is the church..busy teaching about the end times but not bearing the fruit. Its all bark.
This is not ALL churches but majority yes.

Its time to move forward

In my quest of self and rebuilding I have found peace. I think at first after my dad died I was hurt because people did not call come by nothing well at least church people didn't and really neither did fam besides my brothers and sisters mom ofcourse and a few mentionables. I found myself questioning peoples I love you, I wasn't shocked though and now it is ok. I discovered true love and wrapped myself so tight in that the fact of who wasn't calling got deleted from my mind and replaced with the ones that were. It no longer matters because I am at peace.

My Daddy was very special to me. I was his shadow as a kid even when he drove a taxi. I was small about 3 or 4 when we picked up Kool and the Gang not knowing who they were but that they looked cool and loved to pinch my cheeks, my Dad tucked me in every night, Hugged me all the time and always said I love you. I am carrying that inside of me. His teachings, his love, his laughter is all inside of me. In fact we have the same exact birthmark except mines was on my arm and bigger while his was on his leg. I loved him dearly..correction I love him dearly. I will miss him and no I will never stop speaking his name. Herndon Obediah Lee..you are loved and missed.

Chapter 7 Just listen

Esperanza Spalding

Looking into the Darkness

“Your willingness to look at your darkness is what empowers you to change.”
Iyanla Vanzant.


The journey that have been on to many truths. It has torn down a lot of beliefs I had which is not a bad thing because truth is truth. I realized people are selfish from all the BS that has been brought to me while morning my father without one person asking "How are you?" but yet bringing me bull and this applies to people in general. But then I have seen a sweet side from people who are complete strangers or associates that sent me a word or a hug and that has shown me HUMANkind.

So as I begin this journey I decided to look inside my soul and get acquainted with me. I looked my fears face on and decided to be courageous. I realized manyt hings I didn't do was because other people said I couldn't or because they wanted to mold me and the truth is I allowed it because I did not have confidence in myself enough to say no. That was when I was younger now as an adult, full grown woman I find myself hungry to do those things and I am going to go for them all no matter how silly they sound because I CAN. Without motive I must move forward and develop the passion inside me for many things. Things can be beautiful when you allow them to be. We were all create with beauty inside of us and if we would just sit back and shine naturally the world would be amazing and people would learn to be kind and respect life.

Chapter 6 Music I am Feeling today

I listen to different types of music but today this is how I feel today. Its not radio music so I hope you can handle that if you are looking at my links. Keep your mind open and you ears might thank you lol.



Teebs


TokiMonsta


Flying Lotus


Devonwho


Afta-1

Chapter 5 Because for so Long I was that Girl

Because for so long I was that girl even though it was a brief time is why sometimes my warning sound like fire. I want to be soft and gentle but I see the car coming and instead of nudging you out the way there are times I may shove.

For my mid teen years I fell in "love" ok now I know it was the challenge of the hunt and the thrill of your first but then it was love. This guy was older, GQ, preppy, stable job, car etc but I liked him because he was different. I want to be the solution to his sadness. We would date off and on, no commitment but plenty of "attention" wined, dined, walks in the park, and well you get the hint. No man had paid me that much attention I mean they did but it was never conversation to feed my mind. My brain was ahead of a lot of the guys my age at 17 I wanted to be part of revolution and change and they were strictly into gettin some. I was reading everything and anything having to do with elevation and they weren't reading to much that came with time. I thought this guy was what I needed. Once I was caught up and he knew it the agenda changed. Suddenly the clothes I had been wearing were too young for him so I turned into Laura on Little House, then my mouth was too big...well it is still lol I do speak my mind, but I became a church mouse. Anything to please him in hoping that he would truly pay attention I mean we were together all the time, he had to love me right. Well further down the line I learned he kept it open because he could get some strange. He hated short hair I put in weave, he hated tall girls I wore flats LOL. He never stopped coming around so it couldn't be to bad but at the time I just wanted to win/ I liked him yes and I thought he loved me so it was only a matter of time. One day he told me he loved me and it was the day I gave him something no one had ever had. I was open to the experience because this was love, being whined and dined and having company all the time. I figured the pickiness was necessary. He knew best right? he was 6 in a half year older, stable job, car and knew everything. I was just thinking about the next high school final. After the gift I gave him though came a surprise to me, he walked away ..not permenatly it is a long story sad ending but still he walked away and he told me he thought I should've know better and guided him spiritually. I was heartbroken when the next Sunday he brought another woman to my family church and I then realized it was all a game. Sounds stupid i know the whole story now that I looked back on it. I have so many do overs and should've but the heart and emotions and especially hormones sometimes make you do dumb things. It was a life lesson and I am not a little girl anymore but I fuss at that little girl asking her "What the hell were you thinking?"

So yes sometimes I sound harsh because life have taught me many lessons and it is all in love, it is all in sharing for those who may have a blond moment. Ladies at all ages are way to precious to deal with being toyed with or abused but it happens everyday. Queens being treated like peasants. I heard Dr Phil say one day "We teach people how to treat us." If we let a man cross the line and he was bold enough to do it the first time he will do it again and again because we gave the ok by doing nothing. You have to direct people in what is ok and what is not. Do not let anyone change you when you were created as a gem. There is nothing wrong with you and most likely it is that person that is trying to lift themselves by putting their boot in your face and holding you down. I discovered this and eventually discovered true love that was in my face the whole time but thats another chapter.

Chapter 4 No Where to Hide

People are always looking for a place to hide. It reminds me of being a kid and knowing you did something wrong, crawling in the space you knew your momma could not find you. The difference now is that we are grown and adults and there is no reason to hide.

There are many places we think people may not be able to see the real us. People hide behind a persona, God, others, while all the time it is a waste because the truth of who you are always comes out. This is not to be a bad thing and shouldn't be shunned but it happens a lot. people look at you funny like it really affects them what you do. The truth is it does. They wish they had the courage to be themselves or the opportunity. They wish that they could take the mask off of day to day and live in the beauty of their own creation. See when you are yourself, you shine. You may not see it but others do. They see the peace and they want the peace. They see you glow and they want that glow. It is like a woman who is unhappy in her marriage for some reason that is always the one that wants everybody married. Its her misery and misery loves company.

Living a lie is slavery. You are bound to a lie and you have to cover that lie with more lies. You dress that lie, you eat that lie you sleep that lie and the next day it starts all over again. Breaking free and being first honest with yourself of who you are secondly treasuring that gem is the first step to freedom and only then can you exhale.